


Life's Love Lessons

by terma_archivist



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Deliberate Badfic, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 1999-09-01
Updated: 1999-09-01
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:41:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,228
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26535997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/terma_archivist/pseuds/terma_archivist
Summary: Note from alicettlg, the archivist: this story was originally archived atTER/MAand was moved to the AO3 as part of the Open Doors project in 2019. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are the creator and would like to claim this work, please contact me using the e-mail address onthe TER/MA collection profile.TER/MA September 1999 Challenge. It is time to have some fun.  This is one everybody is capable of doing, I think.  Even the best writers among us.  *g* So, we all read a lot of slash, right?  And we have all run across stories or mistakes so bad, we groan in misery and wonder what the hell the writer was thinking.  We all have little terms and pet peeves we hate to see in stories. Well this month's challenge is to write badfic.  I want to see stories that make me laugh they are so dreadful.  I want weeping manpoles, pendulous nutbags, winking puckered starfish of love, glistening bosoms...wait—that is the wrong genre.  If you mean you're, I want your.  Two,to and too can come and go at will.  Go find the worst mistakes you can , and write a story which includes them.  Whatever you do, DONT beta.  Write it at 5 in the morning after drinking 5 cups of expresso and not sleeping for 48 hours.  Or write it after having 18 shots of tequilla (or the poison of your choice). Whatever doesn't work for you.  Make it so dreadful, you can't read it without hanging your head in mock shame. And above all, have fun with it... --- OK, word of warning here.  These are really dreadful.  All are NC-17 for really bad taste.  If you looking for a good read, go elsewhere.Category: September Challenge Archive: not if you want me to ever type anything ever again //Sorry hon, rulez is rulez. I will just put it on the challenge page though. —Endymion// Rating: NC-17 Disclaimers: CC's for a bit longer..then who knows? The shadow knows.... If you think I'm making any money off this story...you obviously haven't read it yet. Ok guys, be gentle with me...it's my first.
Relationships: Alex Krycek/Fox Mulder
Collections: TER/MA





	Life's Love Lessons

**Author's Note:**

> Note from alicettlg, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [TER/MA](https://fanlore.org/wiki/TER/MA) and was moved to the AO3 as part of the Open Doors project in 2019. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are the creator and would like to claim this work, please contact me using the e-mail address on [the TER/MA collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/terma/profile).  
> TER/MA September 1999 Challenge. It is time to have some fun. This is one everybody is capable of doing, I think. Even the best writers among us. *g* So, we all read a lot of slash, right? And we have all run across stories or mistakes so bad, we groan in misery and wonder what the hell the writer was thinking. We all have little terms and pet peeves we hate to see in stories. Well this month's challenge is to write badfic. I want to see stories that make me laugh they are so dreadful. I want weeping manpoles, pendulous nutbags, winking puckered starfish of love, glistening bosoms...wait—that is the wrong genre. If you mean you're, I want your. Two,to and too can come and go at will. Go find the worst mistakes you can , and write a story which includes them. Whatever you do, DONT beta. Write it at 5 in the morning after drinking 5 cups of expresso and not sleeping for 48 hours. Or write it after having 18 shots of tequilla (or the poison of your choice). Whatever doesn't work for you. Make it so dreadful, you can't read it without hanging your head in mock shame. And above all, have fun with it... --- OK, word of warning here. These are really dreadful. All are NC-17 for really bad taste. If you looking for a good read, go elsewhere.   
> Category: September Challenge Archive: not if you want me to ever type anything ever again //Sorry hon, rulez is rulez. I will just put it on the challenge page though. —Endymion// Rating: NC-17 Disclaimers: CC's for a bit longer..then who knows? The shadow knows.... If you think I'm making any money off this story...you obviously haven't read it yet. Ok guys, be gentle with me...it's my first.

  
**Life's Love Lessons  
by DeAnna**

  
Nighttime   
Apartment 42   
Home of Fox Mulder 

Mulder comes home from work and unlike the rest of the world, leaves his lights off. He sees a piece of paper laying on the floor....again. He goes to pick it up before remembering what happened last time he came home and didn't turn on his lights and saw a piece of paper on the floor and reached to pick it up....someone hit him on the head that last time. He didn't want that to happen again, so he didn't pick up the piece of paper laying on the floor in the dark. "Who's there?" Mulder asks. "Well, Dr. Kimball I presume" Krycek says in his cute little sarcastic 'I'm superior' tone of voice. "Huh?" Mulder says. "You know...Dr. Kimball...the tv show....the Fugitive..." Krycek tries to explain. "Oh, I"m not really into foreign films Krycek.....so, what do you want?" Krycek gives a tired sigh.":::sigh:::" he says exasperatedly. "I'm here to talk to you about the future Mulder...not yours, not mine but the survival of the entire planet's human race as we know it!" "I don't know what you mean Krycek" says Mulder. "Oh yes you do...you know....that oil that goes in people and turns into a baby alien that eats people inside out that comes out and wants to take over the world and unleash a plague that will cause the oil to infest lots of people and turn into alien babies that eat people inside out then come out to take over the world" Krycek says. "Oh yeah, that....I forgot" Mulder says. "Oh ok" Krycek says. "Ok, so are there any new developments in the alien's plan to take over world domination?" asked Mulder. "Not really, same old same old" says Alex. "Then why are you here?" asked Mulder. "I was bored and lonely....um, so you wanna have sex?" asked Alex. "Excuse me?" Says mulder. "you know...sex." explains Alex. "Oh, I understand what you just said...I was being polite...I belched up some of my dinner...burritos..and I was using my manners to say excuse me." explains Mulder. "Ok, so do you wanna?" asks Krycek. "Ok sure" says Mulder. Both men stand facing each other like two lonely men standing facing each other. Then one speaks...."gimmie a minute..I gotta pee." says Mulder. "Sure thing good looking, don't take too long or I'll think you're playing with my meat rope and I'll have to come in and take it away from you and play with it myself big boy" Krycek bats his eye lashes at Mulder and smiles his cute little smile. After a few minutes, Mulder reappears in the doorway...looking like a shadow...a large shadow...a shadow ready to do battle with the most deadly of demons and the most treacherous of monsters. "I'm ready for you now my large one-armed hunk of man beef" says Mulder in his sexy voice. Mulder strides over to Krycek swinging his hips like a belly dancer. Krycek starts to undress "Damn...I got a knot in my shoe laces....will you help me?" asks Krycek. "Sure, lemmie get some tweezers and some soap or oil to loosen it" says Mulder jumping up to go retrieve the aforementioned tweezers and oil. After about half an hour, working together as a team, as teammates do when on a team....the two men accomplished the arduous task of unknotting said shoe. "Thank you Mulder, I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't been here. Is there anything I can do to repay such kindness from such a kind and gentle human being as yourself?" asks Krycek with wonder in his sparkling "emerald green crayon" color eyes. "Yeah, you can suck on my penis for a while." says mulder in a smoldering sexy voice that melts Krycek's heart like an ice cream sundae left outside in the summer heat. "Ok....whip it out" says Krycek as he drops to his knees...falls flat on his face because he lost his balance and had no hand to stop him from hitting the floor....then pulls himself back up to get ready to suck. Mulder takes out his Mushroom kilbassa dick supreme with extra sauce and starts to rub it with his hand. "See anything you like?" asks Mulder. "Yeah." says Krycek. "Come and get it." says Mulder. "Only if you cum first." says Krycek. "That's the idea." says Mulder as he stuffs his cock into Alex's mouth, in some ways the same as a woman shoves stuffing in a raw naked Thanksgiving turkey before cooking it on Thanksgiving for dinner. "Oh Alex...your mouth is so wet.....it's like being in a hot, wet hole that sucks." "Fmphfbfhh" says Alex. Mulder starts making a high pitched shreiking repetitive noise dancing on his tippie toes trying to punch his rod of love thru the back of Alex's head. "Oh I love you Alex...I've always loved you...I've fighted the repressed homosexual feelings I've been having turning them into violent tendencies towards you so I get a cheap thrill out of beating the shit out of you...but other than that...I love you" says Mulder. Alex pulls off the throbbing giant meat thermometer and says "ditto". Then Alex sucks again. "Oh...I'm gonna cum..don't stop don't stop don't stop...AARRRGGGHHH OOH OOH OOH OOH OOH OOH" says Mulder loudly. Mulder's hot soupy man mucus fills Alex's mouth, not unlike that strange metallic taste that fills one's mouth just before you have to throw up, the taste that even though you spit it out...it mysteriously comes back to fill your mouth again and again until you heave your guts. Alex tries to swallow, but it's gross, so he gags and snorts some up into his nose. 

Mulder leans foward and licks the milky white drop of spent dick juice that oozed out of Alex's nose. "Too much for you babe? Did I shoot too much man creame in your tasty mouth?" asks Mulder. "Yeah, a bit." sighed Alex. "But I don't mind. It means I'll be able to taste you tomorrow when I sneeze." Mulder smiles at Alex and says "that's very romantic. Who knew you had such a soft side?" Alex looks up and smiles shyly at Mulder "I try." Mulder smiles at Alex and says "I know." Alex smiles. Mulder smiles. Then they go to sleep. 

The End.....or is it? Maybe it's not the end but just a stopping point for this story...who knows? Only the Shadow knows. Lurking in doorways......etc..

* * *

I'm sorry. I know I'm not an author, but just a humble member. I just couldn't help myself...you all inspired me to attempt to best you in the battle of the badfic. So, how'd I do for my first time out? 

DeAnna 

Category: September Challenge   
Archive: not if you want me to ever type anything ever again //Sorry hon, rulez is rulez. I will just put it on the challenge page though. —Endymion//   
Rating: NC-17   
Disclaimers: CC's for a bit longer..then who knows? The shadow knows.... If you think I'm making any money off this story...you obviously haven't read it yet.   
Ok guys, be gentle with me...it's my first.   
---


End file.
